Ah, youth! Youth, that ephemeral
state of peak physique and opportunity so often wasted on the young.
Around the time acne begins erupting on a male's face as hormones besiege
every living cell of his body, his brain mutates. Before acne, males are
aggressive. After acne, males are aggressive and horny. Most
heterosexual men and even some homosexual men persuaded by society's
expectations seek out females. Under the erratic guidance of his hormones,
the haphazard male is destined
to be bested. Yes, it is you, good female, who has the power to leave shards in
the male's beating
heart. Thus is waged the war of the sexes (from the male's point of view).
Love ain't funny, folks! Not unless
you have pictures. Indeed!
Two Girlfriend Experiences
Tiffany
This
relationship lasted four days short of a year and a half. The ending
sucked. Damn, dude... it took me a while to get over this one. Your
first long term relationship is usually hard to get over. I accept the
blame for the breakup, mainly because I was not appreciative of her. Yes,
folks, love really does take work and it does not respond well if you act like a
prick! Later, we got along much better as friends. She is happily
married and living in California.
This picture shows a hairbrush and comb
posing next to a female laying on the spare bed in my dorm room - I had a
private room during my junior and senior years. Three fresh oranges are on
the floor by the upper left corner of the bed. I like things that come in
sets of three. The female is Tiffany.
Monica was really cool, a good sport. She didn't mind us waking her up in the middle of the night... the clock reads 2:06am. The are three objects
of interest on the post board in the below picture:
Mardi Gras beads because after many
unsuccessful attempts, I finally perfected the pelvic thrust dance one fine
spring in New Orleans.
A colorful weather map showing
wind, temperature and precipitation data for the United States for sometime
in 1996.
A calendar of Jewish holidays for
the year 5755. The calendar was significantly related to the rise and
fall of my relationship with Monica.
In this photo, Monica had fallen asleep
on my bed less than one week before or after we started dating; I'm not sure
which, but attraction was in the air and if we weren't dating, it was the
inevitable "just a matter of time" stage. The person holding the
alarm clock is Sherman. Sherman liked Monica, too. Sherman played
Dumjot. So, in an attempt to prevent Monica being alone with me after
everyone left the room to go to bed, he woke her up with the alarm clock at
2:06am. So what the hell, I played along and took a picture. It was
just a matter of time - I wasn't worried. The scene was to my advantage
for several reasons:
It was too early in the
relationship for Monica to overnight in my room, and the awkwardness of
addressing the situation was conveniently avoided
I had class the next morning and
was ready for bed - if it helped Sherman feel he had accomplished his
mission and leave, I was for it
If Sherman posed a threat, the
alarm clock pretty much neutralized it
She was really cool about the bondage thing. Now, you've got
to admit, how many women would be comfortable like this in a room
alone with 5 or 6 guys?
She loved attention - the more, the
merrier. For those with working clue phones, this is a classic warning
sign, but alas... I must not have paid the phone bill during 5755 because my
clue phone wasn't ringing that year. This relationship was a ticking time
bomb, and when it blew, the name on the casualty list was mine.
Boom!
It was just a matter of time until
someone came along who would spend countless hours with her, who had weak
inhibitions and would put his desires before his integrity, who would skip work
and classes to give attention even to the point of flunking out of college and
losing his job, who would do whatever it took. Who! Who? Who?!
The clue phone was finally ringing, but
I was screening all calls. Three months later the three of us involved in
that messy love triangle met in his apartment. We asked her to choose,
which she did. I did not sleep well that night, nor any night for the next
two weeks because I was sick with despair and fear, more depressed than I had
ever been before or since.
Well, dudes, I can say without
reservation that that sucked! I blame myself for being too foolish to know
when to let go, but I learned enough to never endure that again.
The timing of the breakup was
excellent, because it barely left time to meet...
