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The Infamous Girlfriends Page

An explanation of the male psyche for non-males

Ah, youth!  Youth, that ephemeral state of peak physique and opportunity so often wasted on the young.  Around the time acne begins erupting on a male's face as hormones besiege  every living cell of his body, his brain mutates.  Before acne, males are aggressive.  After acne, males are aggressive and horny.  Most heterosexual men and even some homosexual men persuaded by society's expectations seek out females.  Under the erratic guidance of his hormones, the haphazard male is destined to be bested.  Yes, it is you, good female, who has the power to leave shards in the male's beating heart.  Thus is waged the war of the sexes (from the male's point of view).

Love ain't funny, folks!  Not unless you have pictures.  Indeed!


Two Girlfriend Experiences

Tiffany

This relationship lasted four days short of a year and a half.  The ending sucked.  Damn, dude... it took me a while to get over this one.  Your first long term relationship is usually hard to get over.  I accept the blame for the breakup, mainly because I was not appreciative of her.  Yes, folks, love really does take work and it does not respond well if you act like a prick!  Later, we got along much better as friends.  She is happily married and living in California.

This picture shows a hairbrush and comb posing next to a female laying on the spare bed in my dorm room - I had a private room during my junior and senior years.  Three fresh oranges are on the floor by the upper left corner of the bed.  I like things that come in sets of three.  The female is Tiffany.

After Tiffany there was...

Monica

Monica was really cool, a good sport. She didn't mind us waking her up in the middle of the night... the clock reads 2:06am.  The are three objects of interest on the post board in the below picture:

  1. Mardi Gras beads because after many unsuccessful attempts, I finally perfected the pelvic thrust dance one fine spring in New Orleans.

  2. A colorful weather map showing wind, temperature and precipitation data for the United States for sometime in 1996.

  3. A calendar of Jewish holidays for the year 5755.  The calendar was significantly related to the rise and fall of my relationship with Monica.

In this photo, Monica had fallen asleep on my bed less than one week before or after we started dating; I'm not sure which, but attraction was in the air and if we weren't dating, it was the inevitable "just a matter of time" stage.  The person holding the alarm clock is Sherman.  Sherman liked Monica, too.  Sherman played Dumjot.  So, in an attempt to prevent Monica being alone with me after everyone left the room to go to bed, he woke her up with the alarm clock at 2:06am.  So what the hell, I played along and took a picture.  It was just a matter of time - I wasn't worried.  The scene was to my advantage for several reasons:

She was really cool about the bondage thing. Now, you've got to admit, how many women would be comfortable like this in a room alone with 5 or 6 guys?

She loved attention - the more, the merrier.  For those with working clue phones, this is a classic warning sign, but alas... I must not have paid the phone bill during 5755 because my clue phone wasn't ringing that year.  This relationship was a ticking time bomb, and when it blew, the name on the casualty list was mine.

Boom!

It was just a matter of time until someone came along who would spend countless hours with her, who had weak inhibitions and would put his desires before his integrity, who would skip work and classes to give attention even to the point of flunking out of college and losing his job, who would do whatever it took.  Who!  Who?  Who?!

The clue phone was finally ringing, but I was screening all calls.  Three months later the three of us involved in that messy love triangle met in his apartment.  We asked her to choose, which she did.  I did not sleep well that night, nor any night for the next two weeks because I was sick with despair and fear, more depressed than I had ever been before or since.

Well, dudes, I can say without reservation that that sucked!  I blame myself for being too foolish to know when to let go, but I learned enough to never endure that again.

The timing of the breakup was excellent, because it barely left time to meet...

Rachle... the Current Newly Ex-Girlfriend
Read the story!

The Eternal Quest continues...

Let's go home, cowboy.

Do you have a story to tell me? Wanna flame my page? Sock it to me with some email to bryantravis@yahoo.com.
You'll be glad you did.
This MIDI file plays "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain