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Even in hard times, Cmdr. Data is compassionate and always attends to the needs and well-being of others before his own. Data bought dinner for another victim of the ping pong sharks after he was taken for his last dime. Fortunately, the sharks didn't steal Data's meal card.

 

 

Most Subway™ restaurants offer free drink refills, so it's only fitting every store have a restroom. Data's not guarding the toilet - he just likes his privacy!

 

 

Whilst relieving himself, Data saw a "For a good time, call Candy" message scrawled on the wall. Perhaps taking the message literally and not aware of its  hidden theme, Data called the phone number listed for Candy. She giggled after a short introductory conversation and told him to rush over immediately because some of her best encounters had been with battery-power machines - a machine with self-regenerating power cells promised to be a true treat!

 

 

Data went to Candy's dorm and found the front desk staff person was in serious need of urinary bladder relief, because she, too, had eaten at Subway and utilized the free beverage refill service no less than three times in the hour before her shift. She offered him anything if he would watch the desk while she made an emergency restroom visit. In return, Data successfully negotiated with the ailing staff person for her blessing to roam the dormitory unescorted (ba-da-dum)!

Here we see Data enforcing the escort policy of Western Kentucky University, which he was about to breach. Standing guard is easy when you have a phaser! 

Public service announcement: Co-ed college dormitory escort policies typically require all guests be accompanied by a dormitory resident at all times outside the dorm room and lobby area. They are a huge hassle to law abiding visitors and moral, upstanding androids like Lt. Cmdr. Data, but they serve an important purpose to the dormitory residents, especially females.  Sexual assault and theft are not laughing matters and have no place in 21st (or 24th) century society.

Protest against our litigious society: Data really was accompanied by a resident, but dwelling on it is such a drag to the story. It's like watching the credits for a movie in which animals were filmed. There is always that disclaimer at the end of the credits after the Motion Picture Association of America globe passes that declares "No animals were harmed during the filming of this motion picture." Well, duh, because if animals were harmed, the Humane Society and S.P.C.A. would take it to the public and sponsor boycotts against the production company. And if I'm not mistaken, cruelty to domestic animals is illegal. My point is that such messages are unnecessary and depressing. The media constantly exposes us to the world's tragedies and injustices, and ignorance of these matters is definitely NOT bliss. However, we are also entitled to happiness and should not always be subjected to the burdens of the world - it's desensitizing, can you tell? Hollywood has earned its place in American society in part because its products provide a temporary escape from reality for the wronged, the wrongdoers and everyone else in the world just trying to make a living.

 

 

It took time for Data to get used to 20th and 21st century elevators that don't respond to voice commands, but he is pretty efficient operating a helm console, so it wasn't difficult to master the push button elevator design. In some ways push button elevators were less trouble to deal with. You haven't experienced frustration until you've climbed 25 decks in a starship's Jeffries tubes because the main computer and turbo lifts were shut down by an email virus.

 

 

Poor Candy... the creep she used to date wrote her phone number in all the restroom stalls he used for eight weeks after the breakup. She was a nice girl, so Data serenaded Candy with his guitar and long-haired hippy wig.

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Email that bryantravis@yahoo.com dude.